Yesterday I saw a picture on your mom's Facebook wall. The picture was of you, your mom and a good friend of your parents. The good friend was Laurie, the woman who was a witness to my signing of Relinquishment. She cried that day, saying how selfless I was to do such a good thing for your mom and dad.
Which made me ashamed that I now felt jealousy. I saw the picture and I was jealous that other people got to be such a big(ger) part of your life. They get to see you a lot, they get to hold you a lot, they are much more familiar to you than I am. Your mom might be jealous that I got you for a whole nine months, but she gets you everyday, from birth until forever. When I saw the photo and felt jealousy, I tried to stifle it, telling myself that jealousy is an ugly color especially in such a wonderful circumstance. Tonight all I can do is heave sighs of self-pity. Self-pity is ugly, too. I hope you are a more thankful person than I am.
I love you.
